Who Am I -An Inquiry About the Self

-Mukesh Rawat

Lying on my bed

I closed my eyes

Took some deep breaths

And I was wondering…

What am I?

Who am I?

and more importantly…

Why am I?

Am I student?

Am I a friend?

Am I a son?

Or

Am I something else?

If I am a student-

Should I always see the world with the frames you provide me?

Should I get trained to be a money spurring machine?

Should I vomit and never digest things?

Should I always be expected to rule the roost?

Or

Should I not just be taught to learn from nature itself?

If I am a friend-

Should I always paste a smile on my face?

Should I embrace you for all your deeds,even when I know they are wrong?

Should I say -I will always be there for you, (when I know I can’t)?

Should I say forget me not (when I know you won’t)?

Or

Should I just say in you I see “us”?

If I am a son-

Should I always expect you to lead me the path?

Should I always scrounge for a shelter in you?

Should I always dream the dreams that you dreamt?

Should I always expect you to give me some more?

Or

Should I just feel and say, you and me are intertwined … and act accordingly?

Why am I?

Am I here to fight for a loaf of bread?

Am I here to dictate terms to others?

Am I here to build my own fortresses?

Am I here to see and feel the pain around?

Am I here to run a zombie race?

Or

Am I here to love and be loved?

Or

Am I here to explore and be explored?

Or

Am I here to know and not be known?

Or

Am I here to embrace and be embraced?

Or

Am I here to breathe and not gasp?

Or

Am I here to walk and not run?

I am not a student or a friend neither a son

I am just a lump of flesh and bones…!

These are the roles I often take

I am not them, they are me…!

The webs that they weave

I call it relations…

The feelings and attachments they spur up

I call it joy…at times sorrow!

How I wish I was a thought

Just a thought

That is all I want

That’s all I long for.

Because Men may die

Time may change

Leaves may shed off

Flowers may bloom

But

Thoughts…?

Thoughts are immortal

They never die

They only transcend !

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